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.. known that at some point I would find myself in a hospital, surrounded by technology and trying not to get in the way of staff who were...Staff who were trying to save the life of a man I loved.We had had, that detached inner self told me, a wonderful few days. We'd gone to Rye, in East Sussex, where we'd first spent a weekend together (Phil joking that the hills would give his wheelchair a proper work out) and then on to Ribblesdale, where he'd been a boy scout. Climbing trees and crags, I thought, running and playing with other fit, healthy young people. I wanted to give god a good kicking, I wanted to ... I wanted to roll back the clock, for this not to have happened, for this not to be happening.But it was. Phil's tumour had finally broached the last healthy bit of his spinal cord, more abruptly than anyone had predicted. He was alive, conscious, to an extent, might even have been able to speak if it weren't for the tubes. I'd given the staff a copy of his Living Will - he had. ’ I smiled, his words brought back a memory of the same little boy sitting on my bed with a bowl of cereal in his lap and a fork in his hand, explaining matter-of-factly how to eat the cereal with a fork. ‘Good times,’ I murmured, looking up and meeting his eyes for a second. He smiled at me, slightly tentatively I thought, before stuffing his toast in his mouth and chewing it whole. ‘Now, that’s elegant,’ I commented ironically, shaking my head under the look he threw at me, his cheeks bulging like an oversized hamster. About ten minutes later, during which we reminisced, anything to keep from talking about the earlier incident, he glanced at his watch and made a face. ‘Got to get going, I’m afraid,’ he said apologetically, ‘nice seeing you.’ As I rose from my seat and passed him his coat, he glanced at me and his face brightened. ‘By the way,’ he started, ‘there’s a party thing at that place down the road tomorrow night, if you come I’ll probably see you there.’ I considered it.
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